


Way Down We Go

by ks_darkstorm



Series: Eyewitness (philip) [1]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eyewitness (US TV) - Freeform, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, Gabe & Philip bonding, Gen, Just binge watched these, M/M, Multi, New Fandom, New OTP, Other, Past Tense, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenager, Water, Why Philip hates water, internal throughts, trying somthing new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 09:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9229166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ks_darkstorm/pseuds/ks_darkstorm
Summary: "These trees and these rivers, such raw and uncontrollable forces of nature. Philip felt almost comforted by their mass because they seemed to mimic the uncontrollable force that raged inside of him. He wipes the dampness from his palms against his jeans, nervousness vibrating through every cell of his body."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title by Kaleo - Way down we go.  
> Just binge watched this series, and had to write something.  
> Not beta read so all mistakes are mine.

These trees and these rivers, such raw and uncontrollable forces of nature. Philip felt almost comforted by their mass because they seemed to mimic the uncontrollable force that raged inside of him. He wipes the dampness from his palms against his jeans, nervousness vibrating through every cell of his body.  


So much has happened already in his short life. He doesn’t care about fairness, about the question of why him? He just wanted it to stop, stop hurting so much to feel, to care about anything other than himself. He looks down at his shoes, just as beaten and as bruised as he is, but still worth something, right?

“You know you can tell me anything?”

  

He looks towards Gabe, this man who seems to give a fuck about him and tries to swallow the constant lump that seems lodged in his throat.

  

“No matter how big or small, you know I’ll listen to you Son.” Gabe continues, kind eyes pleading against that blue, blue sky.

  

The water here is soothing, he knows he could easily disappear in it. That smooth rushing sound just out of reach, like the beating of a racing heart. Like the beating of feet on a path that has no end in sight. He had already run so far, he can't run any further. He just wants to float, in nothing, in everything. But at the same time he can’t. He is the one that needs to stay strong, for himself and for her.

  

Philip stares out into the blackness, stares into nothing and doesn’t think, opens his mouth and for once doesn’t bite back words.

  

“There was this one point, when it all got too much. Mum had been out of it for weeks and I just couldn’t anymore.” He takes a deep shuddering breath, one that seems to rattle against the hollow compresses of his chest.

  

“I feel like I had been running towards this edge, that bridge, for years.”

  

He doesn’t look at Gabe, doesn’t want to see that sympathy in the older mans eyes.

  

“I jumped, into this river once, I wanted everything to end. I was always swimming in my head, you know? To a different life, to the water in my head. So I jumped because what was the difference right?”

  

His hands shake, he wipes them again, defiantly willing his body to comply with his mind.

  

“I jumped and for once I was calm, there was nothing but me and this black. And the beating of my heart as it slowed.”

  

Gabe reaches for him, just a hand, but its enough to ground him, enough to keep him here and not in the past.

  

“I just kept walking forward.” 

  

He remembers it like a movie, the dark tressels of liquid licking his body in the cold comfort he has always know, not hesitant because for the first time in a long time he could breath. 

  

“My clothes where sinking me, encouraging me, and it was so cold I wished I had kept those stupid shoes on.”

  

His breath comes fast, chest compressing with each word admitted.

  

Gabe's hand is shaking in his own. Their palms are squeezed so tight, grounding him here in the now.

  

“I wanted it to end. All of it. I was done wondering why, why me, why her. And I just remember the water smelled like the damp in my room, and I was comforted." 

  

The last word comes out as a sob, and it’s now that he realises the biting cold on his cheeks are tears against the wind.

  

“I just remember taking this deep breath and submerging my head until there was only that rushing in my head. That distorted sound of nothing and everything."

 

He is sobbing now.

  

Gabe pulls him against his chest, arms wrapping around him in an embrace so alien to him he doesn't move.

  

“I didn't realise untill later that I should have weighed myself down with rocks. I was fourteen."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also from Scotland so sorry if that shows :)


End file.
